Is it true that if you wank in a bank you come into money?

Wouldn't it, Wouldn't it
Wouldn't it be funny
If a lady had a wooden tit
Wouldn't it be funny

Would you like to see a wooden cock now?

Anal Sex Part 4

Tools of the Trade(sman's Entrance) The Male G-Spot Massager

Nero Male G-Spot MassagerI was going to talk about anal sex lubricants in this article but something far more interesting and exciting has come up. I was surfing the neta couple of days ago when I came across an article on the male g-spot. I was intrigued and so yesterday I posted a very short article about a product called the Nero Male G-Spot Massager.

At first glance it may appear to be a rather fancy shaped butt plug but it is far more than that. It is the appliance of science in the anal sex toy world.

The thick probe is inserted into the anus, once it goes so far in the sphincter muscles draw it in, up to the hilt, so to speak. This action has two affects:

  • 1. The thick probe is brought up against the Prostate Gland.
  • 2. The thin up-turned probe faces forward and is drawn up against the Perineum.

The Perineum is that spot between your balls and your bullet hole (testicles and anus) that is so pleasurable to touch. Guys, you'll know it if you have ever had an expert blow job, it is the spot where a girl will gently apply pressure. And boy does it feel good!

The Prostate Gland is the command center of all things sexual in a man. The erection, the ejaculation and most importantly the orgasm. Apparently the Prostate Gland or male g-spot as it has become known will if massaged correctly cause full body shaking orgasms that can last for minutes. Some reports I've found describe an almost spiritual release of emotion.

The Nero is 'hands free', which means that once it is inserted, your hands are free to masturbate or caress your partner. Yes, even full sexual intercourse is possible with the device in place. Even better, is the fact that as the anal canal spasms these movements are transmitted to the Prostate and Perineum, which in turn causes the anal canal to spasm.

It's a cycle of intensely pleasurable cause and affect.

Anyway. It sounds fantastic. You can buy the Nero (shown to the left) from Pleasure2me. They have all the colours and presentation boxes etc for you to choose from. Also, I have just found out that Bionic Tonic are doing an special introductory offer. When you buy the Nero Male G-Spot Massager you also get a tube of Anal Eaze Lubricant thrown in for FREE!

Please let me know if anyone else has a comparable deal and I'll give them a plug (no pun intended) too. Oh and in case you are wondering, the down-turned probe is to help extract the device from your bottom!

A guy wakes up in hospital and gradually realises where he is and that he's been injured. He cries out in pain for a doctor.

A doctor arrives and asks him what he wants first, the good news or the bad news.

The guy visibly pales and asks for the bad news first.

The doctor tells him he's been involved in a serious accident and has had both his legs amputated.

Almost fainting the guy asks what the good news is.

The doctor points down the ward to a gorgeous looking nurse and says "See that nurse, I'm fucking her tonight"!

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The Male G-Spot

Yes, men have 12 (sorry, I mean one too).

Nero Male G-Spot MassagerNero Male G-Spot Massager
The Nero is a stimulating device for the male G-Spot, a.k.a. the prostate gland. It works by stimulating this walnut sized gland, which is called a prostate massage. Some men have reported full body shaking, two minute (or longer) orgasms charged with endorphins leaving them with an overwhelming emotional high.

They come in several colours, even a glow in the dark version...

One black one, one white one and one with a bit of ***** on and one with a fairy light on to show us the way!

See related article on male g-spot massagers.

Pussy Monster No.6

In Search Of The Crack

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.6, she's the shy, quite type, at least that's what she likes you to think...

Once you've been lulled into a false sense of security, your cock will be pulled out of your pants and it will be gobbled up.

Not being a victim to fashion, this pussy does not subscribe the the shaven haven look. All that hair provides more opportunities to lurk out of sight before striking.

Notice how the thighs are clamped shut hiding the gaping insatiable mouth.

Known to be dangerous and desperate for a fuck. Softer than quicksand when aroused.

Check out Pussy Monster No.5.

Just thought you guys and girls should know. Quality Adult Sex DVDs are doing a FREE DELIVERY special offer on their Porn DVDs at the moment.

I buy my porn DVDs from these guys and feel that I can highly recommend them.

Every little counts, as they say on TV!

Spoiled Condoms

Spam To Sell Cialis - (Man) Fat Chance!

I get about a hundred spam emails a day. Maybe more.

Many are to do with Viagra and Cialis. Most are without humour, many are written by the illiterate for the unfortunate.

This one caused me to smile.

I think it was the reference to spoiled condoms that was the cause of my mirth.

When is a spoiled condom?

When it's full of 'man fat' (sperm)? I think not, that's what they are for, is it not?

When you have cum too quickly? You can't blame the condom for that!

Home and dry sounds more like a spoiled condom to me. At least it would have been wasted...

Anyway, here's the body text of the email:

My name is Erectile Dysfunction.!
I have a lot of friends such us: bad sex, awful mood,!
dissatisfied wife, short erections and spoiled condoms.!
But I do have one enemy – its name is Soft Cialis Tabs.!
When they appear, I disappear.

See what I mean about illiterate?

Would you buy off this guy?

Small Penis Huge Pussy

A question of perspective

I was fucking this girl the other day and she had a huge pussy. To be honest I couldn't touch the sides.

She said to me "Who's got a little tiny organ then"?

I replied "It's not tiny, it's just never played in a cathederal before"!

Guys, if this is a bit too close to home, then maybe you should have a little look at our penis enlargement page. Remember, someone is always worse off than you. Don't believe me? Check out this NOT huge cock.

Girls, if this is a bit too close to home, then maybe you should have a little look at this pussy tightener. And, it's what you do with it, not how big it is. Isn't it? Please say yes...

Anal Sex Part 3

Tools of the Trade(sman's Entrance) The Butt Plug

"One up the bum, no harm done" so goes the saying.

Butt PlugsButt Plugs are probably the most popular anal sex toy around today. Once they were only popular with gay men, now butt plugs are widely accepted by straight men and women as well. The Classic Butt Plug shown on the left is a typical example that would be suitable for beginners due to its size. The wide base stops accidents in as much as stopping the butt plug disappearing up the anus. It is this feature that really sets them apart from ordinary dildos.
Most adults are aware that stimulation of the sphincter is highly pleasurable and the logical next step is penetration. Butt Plugs are normally inserted during foreplay and left in place. Normal vaginal stimulation and penetration is still possible and full sex can still take place. The orgasm with the butt plug still inserted will be much more intense, indeed it can exceed any that you have ever experienced without one.

Butt TinglerThere are also vibrating butt plugs available, of which the Butt Tingler is a good example. Its extra slim point makes for easy insertion and extra wide base prevents accidents. It is an ideal choice the those new to bum fun!

Vibrating Remote Control Butt PlugThe Vibrating Remote Control butt plug is an unusual example in as much as it is remote control and can add a new dimension to your sex play. It has an ultra powerful vibrator motor in the shaft to transmit the sensations deep inside you.

Large Butt PlugThe aptly named Large Butt Plug is a seriously large butt plug that is intended only for the expert. It most definitely is NOT for beginners, so don't even think about it. It isover 2.25" wide and if that is not enough in itself, it too vibrates!

So, somewhere between the slim "Classic" and the "Large" you will find your ideal butt plug. Most of us have never tried any back-door activity but the old adage "Don't knock it until you've tried it" never rang truer.

The main thing to remember with any form of anal sex is lubrication and patience. Take things slowly and do not forget to use plenty of lube. My next feature will talk about the various types of lubricant available...

Your wife goes out with her friends, drinking and dancing.You're ok with it, because you get to watch sports all night.

You hear her stumble into bed around 4:00 AM and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover.

You wake up next morning and go outside to check out the family Volvo, which she used last night. You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.

You circle the car looking for dents and find none.

But... Wait a minute...

What the fuck is that?

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A guy goes into a clock shop, pulls his penis out and slaps it down on the counter.

The female shop assistant says, without batting an eye lid, "This is a clock shop, not a cock shop"!

The guy replies "I know love but I was wondering if you can put two hands and a face on it".

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Huge Black Cock

Wham Bam Wounded Mam!

This huge black cock brings home the full meaning of the expression 'Hung like a horse'.

The realistic Bam Penis is a thick 13 inch monster cock. Until you actually hold this beauty in your hands, you will not realise the power of a huge cock. At 8.5" around it is far too thick to get your fingers around, the average 6" penis literally looks like a maggot next to it.

Anyone considering inserting this into their vagina or anus needs to plan the session very carefully. You will need plenty of lubrication and time. Just getting the helmet in would constitute a triumph. The suction cup can be stuck to smooth surfaces to allow hands free action, they'll be pulling yourself apart and guiding it in! When you do this the whole cock bends under its own weight, yet is still firm enough for penetration. But please, please, don't forget the lube!

OK, you've seen the cock, now do you want to see it being used? Watch some serious fucking? I've managed to find a DVD featuring Bam, who strangely, like many guys with huge cock's will fuck both women and men. Bam, Big Black and Beautifull porn DVD has Bam in various sexual encounters with guys and girls that are eager to stretch themselves to the limit (physically and metaphorically).

What would you do with a cock like that?

For some ideas check the First Time Video Girls site out and watch the Masturbation Video 2 it's brilliant, really is! The link is at the top left of the page. Oh and don't worry it's FREE.

Erotic PhotographyErotic PhotographyI stumbled onto this site when surfing the web the other night. I really liked its beautiful erotic photography.

The guy who took these photographs is one Didier Carré. On his web site gallery the girls are exotic, uninhibited and very sensual. Every image is an erotic work of art that will live in the mind for a long time.

The human body is a most wonderful thing and it is indeed a skill to be able to capture that beauty. The light and dark accentuate the beautiful subtle curves of a woman's body, bringing it to life.

Even the photograph to the right retains its beauty and mistery even though, when broken down, the subject is a of a spread vagina with what appears to be a glass butt plug inserted into it, the wrong way around.

The difference between pornography and erotica, some say is 'the lighting' but I think it is much more than that.

Erotica is art.

So, please go to this site and have a look around. It's worth spending some time there as there is a lot to see. There are galleries of photographs and fine art prints for sale and sexy wallpapers for your computer.

The FREE E Cards are fantastic, stylish, sexy and even funny. This really is a top class site.

Bionic Tonic Sex Toys are giving away a Pleasurizer Ring one-shot vibrating cock ring for FREE when you spend £40.00 or more on a single order. And you do get a lot of sex toys for £40.00 with them!

For those of you out there that have never used a vibrating cock ring, they are one of the Top Sex Toys for men.

Although the blood engorgement principal is the same as for a standard cock ring, this product is worn on the shaft of the penis in front of the balls. The miniture vibrator is really meant to stimulate your female partners clitoris when thrusting deep.

Brings a whole (or should that be hole) new meaning to giving a girl a ring!

Girls love it! Take one (or three) out with you on the pull!

A good source of information and products can be found on Bionic Tonic's vibrating cock rings information page.

Pussy Monster No.5

Funky Spunky Pussy

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.5, she's a throw-back to the seventies.

Check out the afro hair and side-burns and that sly side long glance.

Also sporting an unusually hairy crack.

Would you rather lick it or dick it? Or more likely, run for your (sex) life.

Check out Pussy Monster No.4.

Testicle Nonsense

AKA Bollocks

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
~ Anonymous

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If you have not seen Cytherea yet, you are in for a treat. She's a really pretty slim girl that is becoming the hottest porn star around.

Not only does she fuck like the devil, she squirts when she comes. She has the most powerful intense orgasms, leg buckling, trembling, almost fainting and then the squirting which can go five feet!

There's a free video sample on this site of Cytherea (go to the bottom of the page, she's the last vide clip) and you will see her squirt but to enjoy her at her best you will have to pay to download the full length movie.

Alternatively, you could go over Quality Adult Sex DVDs and check out their Cytherea squirting DVDs.

They have a Choose 3 DVDs Only Pay For 2 deal on at the moment. That means that you could get a FREE DVD of the lovely Cytherea getting fucked. I nearly always buy my porn from these guys, their prices are very good and they deliver discreetly and quickly.

Years ago in another life, I worked in the IT industry. We all had our own PC on our desk and obviously our own password to gain access to it.

One of the guys I worked with was off sick one day when there was a crisis. The only solution was to get onto this guy's PC and sort it out.

The management phoned him, explained the problem and demanded that he reveal his password...

Yes, you've guessed it. soapytitwank

The moral of the story is don't use revealing personal information as passwords. For example:


Tulips in the garden,
Tulips in the park.
But the tulips that I like the most,
Are two lips in the dark.

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Short Time Special Offer

I have a bit of good news for you...

We all love to watch people fucking, that's a fact. Now you have a chance to get some extra filth for fuck all!

Quality Adult Sex DVDs have got a special offer on for a short while.

Buy 3 DVDs Pay for 2 DVDs...

That means one DVD (the cheapest) is FREE!!!!!

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Eddie Stone SensaFirm Penis

Best Price On The Web £35.95

The realistic Eddie Stone SensaFirm Penis is a thick 7 inch cock with an unusually large helmet. The balls are unusually large too and Eddie Stone has every reason to be pleased with his tackle! Moulded from Eddie himself this super life-like, highly detailed realistic cock is made from Sensafirm rubber for a smooth comfortable ride. The suction cup can be stuck to smooth surfaces to allow hands free action. I suggest a heavily loaded washing machine on a fast rinse! Or perhaps the bathroom mirror for that voyeuristic session!

I've gone weak at the knees just thinking about it!

Bionic Tonic have the best price on the web at £35.95 and this price probably will not last for long. Some sites are selling it for over £50.00!

What is the biggest concern for a farmer after planting a field of dildos?


But, if you are actually looking for sex toys, then have a look here for some very nice dildos or maybe some handsome realistic cocks!

Sex Movies In The USA

You're American, right? You like sex, right?

If you are from the United States or Canada then you can get sex toys, porn movies and sex magazines from Sex Movies USA a US based online sex shop. They sell sex toys and porn DVDs at lower than European prices and in US Dollars ($). I know you guys get confused between Pounds and Euros and Dollars...

All you lucky high rollers that own an Amex Card and have urges to buy sex toys and do naughty things. I have found an online sex toys shop that actually takes the Amex Card.

Not only that but they have just about the cheapest prices on the web as far as I can see. And a price guarantee! That really will do nicely!

The moment you walked in the joint...

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Anal Sex Part 2

Tools of the Trade(sman's Entrance) - The Anal Probe

Intimate IntruderAnal Probes are a cross between anal beads and butt plugs. Whereas anal beads are only ever inserted into the anus and left in place until the onset of the orgasm and then removed. Anal Probes can do the 'anal bead thing' but can also be used to stimulate the sphincter itself or can be used to penetrate the anus in much the same way as a butt plug. The actual vibrating probe is quite narrow and often ribbed to give it that 'bead' effect. If it's girth you want then a butt plug would be a better choice. Multi-speed Anal Probes will allow the best frequency to be found by experimentation and mood. Some Anal Probes have vibrator motors with pulse and escalate settings for an even greater range of sensations.

Uranus ProbeUranus Probe is a typical anal probe and one of the most popular. The multi-function motor has 6 different settings, three vibrations, escalate, pulsate and roller coaster setting.

Now that would be nice around your anus!

Here's a Uranus Probe review I found:
It's a bit fiddly to insert because its a bit bendy, just guide the tip in with a finger. It's really comfortable when it's in though. The roller coaster or escalate setting is fantastic and you won't want to take it out!I would de-finite-ly recommend Uranus Probe.
~ Adam

A young and very naive man got married to a beautiful young girl. One of the things that attracted the girl to the young man also worried her slightly. He had never tried to touch her pussy.

On the wedding night, the girls fears were confirmed. The young man was making every excuse he could to delay getting into bed.

The young girl gently coaxed him into bed and asked what was wrong. She asked if there was a reason that he appeared to be reluctant to make love.

The young man said there was. When he was younger his father had told him that girls had teeth in their vagina's. And these teeth were easily capable of severing a finger, tongue or penis.

The girl told him this was nonsense but sensed that still he did not believe her. She drew the covers back, raised her knees and parted her legs. The young man leaned forward looking in curiosity and fear.

"There" she said. "Now do you believe me that I've got no teeth down there"?

"I'm not surprised" the young man replied. "Have you seen the state of your gums"!

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Welcome to Pussy Monster No.4, she's what's known in the trade as a ginger minge.

She used to be a shaven haven but she's alright nooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!. Is it just me or is there something were-wolfish about her?

In my experience the ginger pubes were always a bit on the coarse side. The term 'curly watch-springs' comes to mind.

Watch out or she could gobble you up!

Check out Pussy Monster No.3.

Steel Cock Rings

How to put one on and what it will do for you.

Steel cock rings require the right size to be chosen for proper fit. You must measure your cock both when soft and hard. For the cock ring that goes in front of the balls, measure at the base of your cock next to your balls. For a cock ring that goes behind the balls, put the tape measure around the ball bag and the shaft at the base of your cock, right next to your body.

The correct size should not fall off even when your cock is soft. When hard, the cock ring should prevent the blood from getting out, thus producing a swollen stiff cock with the veins protruding as in the picture to the left.

If your cock turns blue, then you've over done it. Only joking but remember that your cock is your prized possession so pay attention to it.

Once you have the right sized rings you should put them on before you get a hard-on. For the ring that is to be worn behind the balls, put one ball through at a time. Then, helmet first, put your cock through the remaining space in the ring. It sounds difficult but is actually quite easy when you get used to it.

If you haven't had sex with a cock ring on or you are a girl who has not been on the end (quite literally) of a swollen engorged cock ring wearing penis, then you do not know what you are missing.

So, if you fancy a go, get over to my favourite Sex Toys shop and buy yourself one of their nice cock rings.

You could also try this site out for their penis rings. They have a larger selection but their prices are a bit higher.

You won't regret it!

There's nothing like a vagina to cheer you up. So, when your feeling a bit low get over to Bionic Tonic Sex Toys and buy yourself a nice artificial vagina.


Alternatively, you could go out and find a girlfriend...

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Huge Stiff Cock

A Real Woody

I think you'll agree, they don't come much larger.

And it's very stiff. In fact it's what the Americans call a woody.

Everything is bigger in America, I thought you knew that!

The sex industry has its ups and downs.
~ Frank Leopald

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Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection.
~ Anonymous.

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The latest craze to sweep the nations night clubs is drinking iced vodka straight from the vaginas of young clubbers.

Last night experts warned against the dangers of minge drinking.

Just to keep the site on an even footing, I've located some extra large tits (or breasts if you prefer) for you.

I was on holiday with them last year in Ibiza. You should have seen them on the dance floor, knockout!

Now I come to think about it, they weren't very good at scuba diving either. But who cares!

Actually, they're models, new models with double air-bags.

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Pussy Monster No.3

The Horror Continues

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.3, she shows signs of intelligence, notice the high domed forehead...

She seems to be looking down her nose, the word snooty comes to mind.

Not too sure about the 'five o'clock shaddow' or the brown smudge where her tie should be.

I would imagine this one wears a uniform by day.

You'll be ok as long as you keep your hands and feet away from her mouth. Oh, and your cock!

Check out Pussy Monster No.2.

Clit JewelleryClit Jewellery or clit clips as they are also known, are becomming ever more popular with girls and women. They are the female equivalent of a cock ring or penis ring. They are used to help engorge the clitoris with blood to make it more sensitive and to lift it slightly to make it easier to stimulate during love making. And they look sexy too!

Many clit jewellery clips have beads, pearls or crystals attached. Sometimes this is just decorative but with the heavier beads, crystals and balls etc there is also the stimulating affect of their movement against the labia andagainst the man's penis when making love.

Due to their size clit clips can be easily concealed from prying eyes, indeed, the uninitiated would probably not realise the use to which they can be put!

Nipple and Clitoral - Clit JewelleryNipple and Clitoral is a very popular product not just because it comes with nipple rings as well. But because the heavy metal graduated balls do provide an extra source of stimulation.

The nipple rings clip gently around the nipples and have a small ball decorating them.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children her fucking uterus fell out...

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Anal Sex Part 1

Tools of the Trade(man's Entrance) - Anal Beads

X-10 BeadsAnal Beads are inserted into the anus and left in place until the onset of the orgasm. They are then removed one bead at a time during the actual orgasm and in doing so prolong it and intensify it. Withdrawal of the beads may be done slowly or quite quickly depending on personal preference. Afficiendo's of anal beads report earth shattering orgasms with an intensity above all others.

X-10 Beads are typical anal beads and are amongst the most popular.

Here's an X-10 Beads review I found:
I bought these for a bit of fun really, but was delighted on my first time with them - pull them out really quick and you have the most amazing orgasm! If you haven't tried anal beads before, go for it, they're brilliant!!
~ Sarah Willis


Mother I'd Love to Fuck (Sex With Mother)

There was a man from Cape Cod,
Who put his own mother in pod,
His name it was Tucker,
The bleeder! The fucker! The cunt, the bastard, the sod!

If you are actually after some filth, rather than my limmericks, then you might have more luck with porn DVDs at Quality Adult Sex DVDs.

Of course, you could hang around here for a while and read this blog. Hope you do and that you enjoy it. Please feel free to leave comments.

Porn On Demand - Bollockbuster

Your Friendly Online Porn Shop

I just love the name of this site, never mind the filth on tap...

See my previous article on porn on demand or just visit Bollockbuster.


Quality Adult Sex DVDs are delivering Porn DVDs absolutely FREE to the UK.

This is a short-time special offer, so don't hang about...

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Have you heard about the new atomic blonde?

She was blasted into maternity by a guided muscle.

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Ealing is said to be the Queen of the Boroughs...

But this young lady put the rough in Borough.

There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had a peculiar feeling,
She laid on her back and opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.

I'm sure she used to drink in the Queen Victoria by the green in Ealing years ago. And I'm sure I fucked her!

AdultsExoticA - The Exotic Adult Sex BlogExploring the weird, wonderful and exotic, adult world of sex. It's the reason you're here.