Although it is now agreed that the Welsh were the first to use sheep intestines as condoms, it was the English that perfected the condom by first removing the intestines from the sheep.

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It was first day at the veterinary college and a group of students were down in the autopsy room with an eminent veterinary surgeon.

The surgeon introduced himself to the class and then said "There are two qualities that are absolutely essential to becoming a successful veterinary surgeon. The first of which is that you must never be repulsed by a dead animal's body."

"To demonstrate this I will stick my middle finger up this dead dog's anus and then suck it" he said as he turned to the animal on the slab. He turned back to the students sucking his finger. He then said "Now I want each and every one of you to do as I have done." There were gasps and murmurs of defiance but in the end all the students complied.

The surgeon continued "The second quality required is observation," he paused for effect. "How many of you noticed that although I stuck my middle finger up the dog's anus, it was in fact my index finger that I sucked..."

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I heard that Hughie Greene went to the Special Clinic and got 85 on the Clap-o-meter!

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A guy goes into a whorehouse, slaps $100.00 down on the counter and says "I want the ugliest whore in the house and a burnt steak!"

The guy on the counter replies "Man, for $100 you can have the best looking girl here and a fillet steak..."

The guys says "I'm not feeling sexy, I'm feeling homesick!"

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Yes, I've discovered Twitter at last and it's fantastic!

It's the sensitive bit on a girl between the TWAT and the SHITTER!

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Was up to his balls in Pete...

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The best engine in the world is the vagina:
It can be started with a single finger.
It takes any size piston.
It's self lubricating.
Every 4 weeks it does its own oil change.

It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental.

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A gay guy goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, doctor I think I have got AIDS, please help me!"

The doctor says "You must go to the pub and drink 10 pints of beer followed by a Vindaloo curry every night for the next week."

The gay guy brightens up a bit and says "Will that cure me doc?"

The doctor says "No but at least you will know what your arsehole is for!"

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Coke Bottle Up Ass X-Ray

It certainly did NOT go better with Coke this time!

X-ray of bottle up arseEvery picture tells a story!

And here's a story that some poor bastard wished they never had to tell.

Try explaining this away!

At some point during the insertion they must have realised that the bottle was jammed. And then they must have started to consider their options. To say they must have regretted their actions would be an understatement!

I would dearly love to hear the story behind (no pun intended) this.

Any way, it's a fact of life that some people love shoving things up their arse. It feels great...

But if you are bent (no pun intended) on sticking things up your back passage, please follow the following tips.

1. Use proper sex toys such as Anal Beads or Butt Plugs or Prostate Toys.

2. Use plenty of Anal Lubricants.

3. A nice clean arsehole makes the whole (no pun intended) thing more pleasant. So use an Anal Douche.

4. Do NOT stick large objects up your anus, if you must auto-sodomise yourself, use something small(ish).

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Q. How do you get a fat girl into bed.

A. "Piece of Cake."

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The Ronaldo Song

To the tune of Hokey Cokey

You put your transfer in,
Your transfer out,
In out in out,
You fuck your club about,
You do the Christiano and
you change your mind,
that's what it's all about...
Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,
Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,
Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,
Knees bent, arms stretched,
DIVE DIVE DIVE!

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I bought a pet Goldfish yesterday but the bloody thing is epileptic.

It's strange because it seems ok when I put it back in its bowl.

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Heavy Shit Going Down

More Lavatory Grifitti

Turds Over 10 Pounds Must Be Lowered By Hand

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Famous headline on front page of an English World War 2 news paper.

BRITISH PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS REAR

And if your thinking of pushing anything up someone's rear then check out these Butt Plugs, Anal Beads and Prostate Toys...

Would you really like to see what can happen if you Push a Bottle Up the Arse!

The Vice Admiral's vice was the Rear Admirals's rear.

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The Labour Party has decided to change its logo from a rose to a condom, believing it more accurately reflects their policies.

This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects pricks and gives you a sense of security whilst you are being fucked!

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The neon sign outside says:

Liquor in Front. Poker in Rear.

Sorry, it's only a joke. Get it?

If you would like to see actual poking in the rear then take a look at these anal sex DVDs!!!!

Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist?

He got the sack...

Here's another great circumcision joke called The Old Circumcisionist.

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Adult Live TVHere's a FREE eBook to cheer you up!

Just click on the image and download it.

Some of the jokes are very funny and I laughed out loud. Hope you do too.

It's an executable file but I have virus checked it and it's cool.

Enjoy!

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Man LavatoryWho said you couldn't catch something off a toilet seat?














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